


Love

by SimpleKpopStan



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Dubious Consent, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Non-Consensual Drug Use, beatings, this is not fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 08:02:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17096918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimpleKpopStan/pseuds/SimpleKpopStan
Summary: Summary: He controlled your life, the beating of your heart, the consistency of your breathing. Your life was in his hands and he played with it like a puppet master.





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Reader
> 
> **Warning(s)**: Emotionally abusive relationship, sort of physically abusive relationship, graphic drug use, forced drug use, implied cheating, skewed view of love, manipulation, dubious consent, sadism, mentions of sex, alcohol/drunk mentions, suicidal thoughts, angst
> 
> Genre: Angst to the absolute max, there is no semblance of fluff or etc. in this. (unless you got a fucked up view of love too)
> 
> Prompt: “You’re my toy.” 
> 
> Song Inspiration: The Moment I Said It - Imogen Heap
> 
> Word Count: 1,427

Infatuation, love, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach all synonymous with the idea of unconditional care and compassion. A faithful emotion that all of mankind is looking for in some shape or form. 

You thought you found all of those things, someone who made your blood sing with just a glimpse. He was the center of your world, taking up every centimeter of your being and each second of your day. Nothing could compare to the way he made you feel regardless of his disinterest for your beating heart. He effortlessly took over your mind and home. He was everywhere, yet nowhere at the same time. His time devoted to you was fleeting, he knew you were hooked by the moment he crossed the threshold of your apartment. You were caught in his headlights with no place to hide, you were done for.

His mood change happened during fall, you could feel the shift in him as the leaves shifted from green to shades of yellow and orange. Life had been good, amazing until this point, the two of you went out on dinner dates every Friday - happy just being in each other’s company.

Everything was darker once winter’s chill appeared, the shade of his hair, the color of his liquor, the bruises littering your skin. He stood perfectly straight, looking down upon your crippled form. Beyond proud of his newest painting on internal bleeding, a new masterpiece lying before him. 

This was his love.

Pushing yourself up from bed to inspect the new lacerations across your back from his nightly game of pain, wincing as a harsh slap resounded through the bathroom. You must have woken him up too early. “I’m sorry sir, it won’t happen again.” Quickly left your mouth to avoid another session of torture. 

His hands pressed softly against your back, the devil’s eyes scanning the expanse of your body in the mirror. “This is what love looks like, you should be proud to bare these marks. It proves that someone cares about you in this world.” Nails dug into your flesh as searing pain registered, he would never get tired of your cries. Nothing was more amusing than the sobs that wracked your body when he finished his painting. It was beautiful.

“How about you make me breakfast? Then I’ll teach you more.” Your neck moved on it’s own accord, obediently nodding affirmation. He placed gentle peck to your temple, smirking at the control he had over you, a demon controlled your life, sucking away anything that made you an individual. 

This was his love.

“Where do you keep getting these bruises from?” Your mother spoke up as she looked over your exposed arms. She glanced from you to Namjoon, meeting her gaze proved to be the challenge of a century. Fortunately, your caring boyfriend always at the ready with a new excuse to explain away his artistic creations. “Actually she just went to the doctor for a check-up, turns out she’s extremely anemic, but she’s on iron pills now. Nothing to worry about." 

He brushed your mother off like a joke, watching as she relaxed into the couch - happy to know her daughter was far from danger. "Thank you, Joon. Taking such good care of my baby.” She placed a hand on your shoulder, none the wiser to the way you moved from her touch. This monster had another one wrapped around his fingers with just a few honey glazed words, god his game had no flaws, everyone played swimmingly into his trap. He was untouchable. 

Namjoon found the idea of spending a dinner your parents rather bland and unsatisfying, his mind was crying for him to do anything to get you to squirm at the dining table. While still holding conversation with your parents he crept his hand under the table, easily finding his fleshy target. Your skirt hiked up as his nails found purchase in your skin, leaving crescent shaped indents in its wake. 

Your parents smiled and laughed as the devil played with their daughter under the table, enjoying the stupidity of those around him. This was all his fantasies coming true, no one knew better than to follow his charming features and lilted voice into the depths of hell. 

Shaking from the fear of what your parents might notice, you attempted to pull away from his calloused touch. The reaction wasn’t what he wanted, he abruptly pulled back at your disobedience - a scowl contorting his face into an unreadable mask. “I’m afraid we’ll have to cut this short, (Y/n) and I have an emergency back at the apartment.” His delicate tone covered any trace of undoubted anger.

He more or less ignored your parents as he rushed you to the car, only one thing occupied his mind. God he wanted you dead. Upon reaching the car out of sight of your parent’s house, he pulled his fist back.

Moments passed as you felt the pain of knuckles meeting your jaw, the flashes of blood shook you to the core. As you crumbled to the ground, his touch hauling you into the backseat almost felt like that of a lovers - gentle and loving. But you knew better.

This was his love.

Clubs were his favorite place to show his power over you, he had forced you to drink more shots than you could count - each of them burning a hole in your throat.

Clubs were also your favorite place when it came to being near Namjoon, you were someone else when smashed between bodies and so drunk off your umpteenth shot that is was easy to forget the man you would be spending the night with.

Even Namjoon could take away your high with one quick swipe of the arm, leading you to a lounge that was far from friendly. You know this corner well even with your lack of steady, conscious thoughts - these people were beyond life, ascending every idea of heaven, their blood was singing with a rotten substance you had attempted to avoid your entire life.

The point of pulling away from the cruel male had come and gone, this way your fate for the night. Maybe God would take pity on you, maybe Namjoon would put too much in the syringe, maybe you would just pass out and feel the claws of the true devil digging into your arm, dragging you to the undeserved spot in hell.

You were so far gone, you could only watch on as he tightened the band to bulge out your veins, he was an expert. The syringe was filled to the perfect amount, pristine and ready to penetrate skin. Even your vodka buzz couldn’t save from the initial pain of the prick, but you knew it would quickly wash away and ascend into a euphoric hallucination. Your fidgeting easily gave way to the force Namjoon was using to keep you in place, maybe this was love. He could take away the pain with a simple pin prick, truly he must have meant well if he was doing this for you, right?

Everything was beautiful, a spinning world that held gems like Namjoon - ready to hold onto you all night. You loved this feeling, you were free, maybe not as high from other substances but you felt blessed. The affliction of Namjoon’s presence had finally changed to something pleasant, he made you feel heaven for once in your relationship. 

Namjoon couldn’t help but chuckle at your tinted cheeks, you were gorgeous with this new substance running through your veins. He leaned down to your ear, gingerly brushing his lips against the lobe. “Do you want to have some real fun, baby?” His breath reeked of alcohol as it whistled through his teeth. “You want to watch as I find a new toy? You’d like that wouldn’t you, doll?” Glistening teeth lower to the taut skin of your neck, eventually smearing with blood as incisors broke skin. He was the personification of death but god did you love it. 

“Anything for you.” You were fully aware of the bitter taste of Namjoon and its affect on your life. But you couldn’t imagine life any other way. You had already submitted to rotting away, at least you wouldn’t be put in the ground alone. Your personal devil would be six feet under holding your hand at every step. Beatings, sex, and drugs - this was how he proved his love, you the willing victim always at the ready to accept his intimacy. 

You loved him and you couldn’t help it.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Honestly I hate how I ended this, I had planned on adding more to it but I couldn’t really bring myself to do it. I’m not fond of myself for writing this, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth so we’ll see how long I actually keep this up for. Once again I do not believe any of the boys would ever put someone through this, I was given a prompt and I wanted to write something so here it is. Sorry. Also this is slightly unedited so I would like to apologize for that and as my final note I am currently looking for a beta reader - I unfortunately can not catch all of my mistakes and there are major parts of writing where I lack finesse. Tbh I really liked how this read in the first few paragraphs and then it turned it to useless word vomit :/


End file.
